As I pulled into the school parking lot for pickup, a fellow mom and good friend strolled over, and somehow, we found ourselves reminiscing about the absurd things our kids did when they were little. She recalled how her son insisted on napping with his shoes on, while I laughed about my own child’s determination to forgo trousers in the dead of winter. Now that our kids are pre-teens, we chuckled at the sheer silliness of those battles—and at our own insistence that naps must be shoeless.

Looking back, it’s clear that so many of the things we agonized over as new parents were utterly pointless. But in the moment? Oh no, we were convinced that every tiny choice would shape their entire future. "If I let him sleep with his shoes on, will he grow up to be a psychopath?!" (Spoiler: probably not.)

If I could go back in time, I wish a wise grandmother or seasoned parent had whispered
in my ear, reminding me of a few key truths:

1. Most things are just phases. The terrible twos? The threenager stage? The emotionally dramatic elevens? They all pass. One day you’re negotiating with a toddler about why pants are necessary; the next, you’re discussing whether they really need the latest overpriced sneakers.

2. Nap when they nap. Seriously. The world can wait. Sleep deprivation will turn you into a gremlin, and then you’ll feel guilty and overcompensate with “treats” the way I do with my dogs when I skip a walk. Don’t be me.

3. Trust your intuition. Sure, read the books, listen to the podcasts, absorb the wisdom of parenting experts—but at the end of the day, your child is a one-of-akind, limited-edition human. If your gut says they need extra cuddles, let them crawl into your bed. Science can debate it all it wants, but love always wins.

4. Love them outrageously. I firmly believe that most dis-ease comes from a lack of connection—too few cuddles, not enough giggles, missed moments of real presence. Kids don’t need perfection; they need you. 

5. Forget perfection. Aim for integrity. Children have an uncanny ability to sniff out inauthenticity. You will lose your cool. (And if you don’t, please tell me what secret elixir you’re drinking.) Sleepless nights, diaper blowouts, and endless feedings will test you. But when you do snap, own it. Apologize if needed. Show them that being human is messy but beautiful.

6. Watch, read, and listen to things that make you laugh. My journey to motherhood wasn’t easy, and ultrasounds sent me straight into panic mode. I decided to counteract the anxiety by reading Spanish jokes while waiting for appointments. Some days, I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself (which, let’s be honest, is a real hazard in pregnancy). Did I look unhinged to the other moms in the waiting room? Absolutely. Did it make the experience bearable? 100%.

7. Get outside daily. Even a short walk can work wonders. Fresh air and movement are underrated magic.

8. Soothe your nervous system. When anxiety hits, wrap your hands around a warm drink (just maybe not coffee unless you want to vibrate through your day). The heat alone helps your body switch from stress to relaxation mode.

9. Find your tribe. Connect with parents who have kids the same age. There is nothing more reassuring than seeing another child doing the exact bizarre thing yours is doing and realizing phew, it’s just a phase—not a sign of impending doom.

10. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Some days, cooking is therapeutic. Other days, attempting homemade sourdough while cluster-feeding a newborn is a level of optimism I simply couldn’t maintain. On those days, I ordered food and called it a win.

At the end of the day, parenting is one giant improvisation. Do your best, love hard, and know that one day you’ll be laughing at the things that once seemed monumental. And maybe—just maybe—you’ll even let your grandkid nap with their shoes on.